Exactly 1 year and 30 days ago.....

1 year and 30 days ago, I wrote my last blog entry on here....not coincidentally, this also happened to coincide with me finally opening a Facebook account. Soooo, to make a long story short (which is often difficult for me, but not so bad right now because I've been taking my ADD medication and it sure is helping out with my focus and..... oooohhh that cartoon bear on this toilet paper commercial looks like a cool dude. I be blind people go through a lot of toilet paper, because they have to overwipe since they can't see to check if they're good to go.....wait a minute.... what was I talking about? Am I still writing this in parenthesis? Is anyone listening?).....ok, so like I was originally saying, since opening my Facebook account, I have spent the past 13 months clogging my friend's pages with irrelevant babbling and in the process, forgot about this blog thing. Well, today that ends, because I'm putting my big wooden blogging spoon back into the garlic mashed potatoes...god I love mashed potatoes. I like just swirling my steak and biscuit and vegetables all together with my potatoes too.....Jesus, I have as much focus as Lil Wayne has words in his vocabulary that can actually be found in a real dictionary. In no particular order, here are ten things that have occurred/I've noticed in the past 13 month break from the blog....

1.) I separated from my wife after a record breaking 10 month marriage. Also, just like my birthday is one day after my musical idol Benjamin Chase Harper, he too filed for divorce with his wife....which also occurred one day before my wife moved out. I don't care if you think it is weird that I think that is cool. Besides, I asked ChaCha and they said it was cool too.
2.) The greatest canine to walk the earth, my dog Marley, has had two more birthdays in the past 13 months. He just turned 9 on July 9th. Shit, I just realized that was his golden birthday. He turned 9 on the 9th. Really should've taken him to Vegas. No wonder he thought the stuffed duck and a cookie was kind of lame.
3.) Through a series of unforseen events, I have discovered that my favorite place in the world is no longer St. John's Bay in the Virgin Islands....Nope, it is Corry, Pennsylvania.
4.) I took the dusty guitar out of the closet and began playing again. Most of the songs I've written involve typical subject matter found at a 3rd grade lunch table....I'll post some of the songs later.
5.) I've taken several trips to some odd places that i'd have never done if it wasnt for my midlife crisis at age 28....Actually, all of the following places I have been to have been in the last 8 months: Chicago 4 times, Wrigley Field for opening weekend, Erie, PA, Corry, PA, Pittsburgh, PA, Palm Springs, CA, Bills-Steelers game in Buffalo, Searched by Border Patrol entering and leaving Niagra Falls, Canada, Clearwater Beach, FL, Myrtle Beach, SC, Peek n' Peak Ski Resort in Clymer, NY, Cleveland, OH, Columbus, OH, Phish concert in Cuyahoga Falls, OH, Nashville, IN, and Louisville, KY.
6. My beloved Colts lost in the Super Bowl to the Saints. With the Colts having complete control of the game, Saints' coach Sean Payton grew a massive pair of bull testicles and turned the game around with a successful onsides kick to start the second half.
7. The best book I've read in the past 13 months was "The Rum Diaries"....just another Hunter S. Thompson endeavor.
8. I finally gave in and bought underwear that fit. I've got a small waist that requires a medium, but I'd always bought large because I thought mediums were a knock upside my wiener's confidence and self-worth, however a nice lady revealed to me that the "baggage area" is still the same, and I'm much more comfortable now in my medium undies, not to mention the DWC (Daily Wedgie Count) has plummeted as a result.
9. I finally admitted that I like ducks more than I like goats.
10. Set a new personal record for awkward moments in a 6 month period. I'll get to those awkward stories in due time.