"Dr. H's Views on Religion" (Dear Church People: Sue Me!)

Before I begin my rant on the problem with religion and society, please remember that these are simply my viewpoints and obviously you all are free to believe in whatever you want.

First of all, I 100% believe that humans evolved from apes. In fact, it almost seems impossible that we didn’t. I mean the world was at one point completely submerged in water and every organism and animal that exists today is a direct result of adaptation. Fish grew legs to adapt to the increasing amounts of land and were forced to do so in order to survive the rapid changes surrounding them. Why would this be any different for us? Most church-goers frown upon the idea of evolution and view those that believe in this theory as atheists. Now although I do not completely buy into the whole happy Bible story version of God, I do believe that some form of a God does exist. Couldn’t God have simply created apes and we have evolved from those original ancestors? Religious advocates argue of course not. Because ever since we were little, we have been told the story of how God created a man and a women that ate a piece of damn fruit from a tree guarded by a talking snake and ended up procreating together and now we have over 6 billion people on this Earth. Sorry, but I am not buying it. For those of you that do, let me guess, you also believe that some guy named Noah built a boat large enough to hold two of every animal on Earth and managed to not only get all of these animals onto the boat at the same time, but successfully kept them afloat without the tigers trying to kill the gazzelles or the snakes trying to eat the rats? Yeh, and I still have a shot at becoming a major league baseball player and marrying Eva Longoria.

I actually think the Bible is a collection of great stories to live by, but hardly a collection of factual evidence and true events. The basic philosophies of living as a good person and doing the right thing is true, but the stories are mostly just that. Stories. Remember playing the game “telephone” when you were a kid in kindergarten and by the time the sentence got to the last kid in the class, “the dog went to the grocery store to buy eggs” became “The cat went to the movies to collect eggs”? Well, if these stories in the Bible are factual and an exact reenactment of true historical events, then I have a hard time believing that thousands of years later nothing has been exaggerated or embellished with time. Just like how every grandparent had to walk 5 miles uphill, both ways, to school every day or how every ex-athlete remembers himself as twice the high school all-star as he actually was. I think most of the messages in the Bible are great and serve as some pretty good rules to live by, but it is hardly a collection of factual stories.

My next point about religion is that people have always naturally wanted to have something to believe in. It makes them feel more secure and comfortable and gives them a sense of purpose in their life. Since the beginning of time, humans wanted to have reasons for all of the world’s natural mysteries and began creating Gods for about every natural phenomenon. The Sun God, Water God, etc., etc. Eventually, the various development of societies all around the world began forming their own hypothesis of how religion works and several forms of religion were established and developed. Now a days, with all of the hate, war, and argument about religion, I have a hard time believing that only ONE of these religions is correct and that the rest of them have just been wasting their time. The truth is that nobody really knows for sure who is right, but whatever or whoever created this amazing Earth is probably somewhere staring down at us, just ashamed of what we are arguing over. My theory on the whole Jesus and God thing is that I believe in the former and not the latter. Oh no. I said it. I don’t believe in Jesus, but please don’t call me an atheist. I do believe that there is a higher being, an ultimate creator, because there is no way that something as intricate, complex, and amazing as this earth could have started without one. However, I think the stories of Jesus Christ are just that. Stories. Yes, they are nice examples of morals and ethics, but just like the rest of the stories in the Bible, I certainly don’t believe he was as exactly as the Bible tells us. He could have been a great man, but that is where I would leave it.

Lastly, If God is supposed to be so almighty and powerful, so gracious and holy, then why do we think he wants us to gather every Sunday and worship and praise him. If he is so wonderful and divine he most likely doesn’t need anyone telling him how great he is. He created the Earth for God’s sake, so I think he already knows he’s a pretty big deal. It seems to me that he would rather have us go hand out some canned goods to the poor or plant a garden in our community, or do something good for society. He’d rather have us walking along a trail in the park, admiring his work, then crowding into a stuffy church and singing songs about how wonderful he is and collecting money so the church can build a big cross in the lobby or expand the church. My point here is that if the basis of the Bible is to live your life as a humble, helpful, and good citizen and human being, then going out into the world and acting upon that assumption is far better than crowding into a church to sing about how wonderful God is. Maybe I’ll just start my own religion. I’ll call it “Realism” or “Dr. H’s Magical World of Subway Sandwiches in The Park”. One of the two. Anyone that wants to meet me each Sunday in the park to eat sandwiches can be part of my congregation. Trust me. If there is a God, he’ll be much happier for it.