I got to leave work for a little while today, which is always nice. I had to take a trip to Menards to pick up some replacement supplies for our MRI machine. As I was pulling into the parking lot, I was thinking to myself about perception. It might be kind of out there. And NO, I am not currently tripping on acid. However, have you ever thought about everything that you know about this world is what you have viewed through your own two eyes? I was thinking about how different my life would seem if I was able to watch it from a different angle time to time. Jesus. Just imagine what it would be like to be blind. I actually have a theory about how blind people know when to stop wiping their butts after taking a poop, but that is a whole other story. I analyze people so much, that I definitely lose focus of what other people must think of me. Part of it is that I just truly don't give a pig's twat what people think and the other part is that I have such a disastrous case of ADHD that I have enough other things on my mind that I find it difficult to focus in on the world around me.
Take today's trip to Menards, for instance. First, as I was pulling out onto 96th street, I was trying to text a friend with an obscene message about Johan Santana and pulled out in front of a guy. The man driving the Mercedes, wearing the 3 piece suit, with a bluetooth hanging out his ear instantly began screaming at me with his head out the window. I simply smiled and waved. When I pulled up next to him at the next stop light, I rolled down my window. He called me a "jerkoff" and asked me "what the fuck are you doing!?" I generally like to give "road -ragers" a reaction that they cannot understand. I don't give them anything that is technically rude, nor do I do anything that is likely to provoke them any further. Basically, I just do something really weird that they are not expecting. So, in this case of the angry C.E.O, I tried out a new one.
I decided to start singing the National Anthem to him.
Seriously, I turned to him and sang at least 1/3 of our National Anthem before he pulled away with a horridly
confused look on his face. He seriously looked like a dolphin with Downs Syndrome.I wonder if out of all the 5 billion plus people in this world if I was the only one that sang the National Anthem to somebody after they bitched at you with extreme road rage today? Holy Shit. Can you imagine how wigged out you would be if this happened to you on two separate occasions with two different people in the same day?
Once I finally made it into Menards I began speaking to Will in the Lighting section about what fluorescent bulb would fit in the MRI machine scanner. I happen to love listening to strangers talk to me. I think it goes back to the whole idea of wondering what the hell other people's views are on their vision of the world. We might have started talking about light bulbs, but within 7 minutes I was trying to find a break in one of his sentences so I could make up an excuse in order to leave the conversation. He honestly talked to me about his family's recent trip to Daytona Beach and how it was amazing that they could just drive their truck down the beach and park. "Right there in
the damn sand", Will told me. I acted like I had a phone call, but as I was walking away, my phone actually did start ringing. I'm not sure if Will noticed, but I'll bet you he is telling another customer right now about driving his truck down the beach.Lastly, take the bitch off "Around the Horn". It is bullshit how many times they let her win just because ESPN is a bunch of corporate pussies afraid of getting shit from women's groups about discrimination in the media.
Oh yeh. One more thing. How many damn times can they show the
new President's NCAA tournament bracket?
No comments:
Post a Comment