Someone at work today was talking about what they would name their children. Everyone began listing names they approved of, but one person had a funny anecdote. Apparently a common ritual of some dirty hippies, the ones typically smelling of a concoction of burning incense, Camel Lights, and body odor is to name their first born child after what the mom and dad were doing at the time the mother went into labor. In fact, a couple in Florida actually named their daughter Mary Jane Pepsi, because the mom was sipping a Pepsi and daddy was smoking a doobie. Well, actually it wasn’t clear which one was doing which activity, but I have to pray that the pregnant one wasn’t the one sucking down joints. That might be one way of creating a very unique name for your kid, but if you decide to go through with this “hippie naming system”, your child better be ready to face the consequences.
Here is a list of 5 situations that would work horribly for the hippie name game. We’ll just assume that all of these couples share the last name, Jenkins.
1. Dad is in the bathroom taking a dump and Mom is in the kitchen cooking dinner.
Name: Poop Cook Jenkins
2. Dad’s leg is being humped by the dog, while mom is watching a documentary on Asia.
Name: Asian Humper Jenkins
3. Dad is talking to his mother on the phone, while mom is turning on their gas burners in the kitchen.
Name: Mom Gas Jenkins
Ewwwwww……Mom gas sucks.
4. Dad drinking milk and mom is cooking chicken breasts.
Name:
Breast Milk Jenkins5. Dad is scratching his back, while mom is eating a can of mixed nuts.
Name: Scratching Nuts Jenkins
So, please hippie parents to be. Do your future children a huge favor and ditch the “hippie baby name game”. Because one day, cute little Scratching Nuts Jones will be a grown adult and he’s gonna have a hard time getting a job. Or making a friend. Or getting married. Or anything else, except marketing Gold Bond or starring in porn films. Actually, that life doesn’t sound to bad after all……
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