I have a problem. I physically cannot poop without reading material. In fact, the first thing I do at work each morning is hop on the internet and quickly print out a bunch of crap to read. I don't really care what it is about, just as long as it gets me through the dump. I shove the pages into my back pocket and whip them out whenever I hit the john. These pages, as well as the assortment of magazines hidden underneath the extra toilet paper rolls, gives me quite an array of bathroom conversation topics.
The list below is the top ten "pooping insights" from today's numerous trips to the potty.
10. In the 1400's a law was set forth that a man was not allowed to beat his wife with a stick thicker than his thumb. Hence we have "the rule of thumb".
9. Philadelphia 76ers forward, Thadeus Young, admits he spends too much money on underwear.
8. Since 1991 in the NFL, a team has started 0-7 eighteen times.
7. The Cincinnati Bengals make up for 5 of those teams.
6. PETA has sent a letter to Shane Victorino, asking him to stop eating SPAM.
5. A high school football coach in Chelsea, MA is accused of spending money set aside for uniforms at a strip club.
4. The Raiders have only won 7 road games since 2003.
3. Nick Saban is the only Division I coach to have won a national championship, switch schools, and then defeat his former team on their home field.
2. Panthers punter, Todd Sauerbrun was busted last year for using a banned performance- enhancing drug.
1. Marshall Faulk suffers from hyperhidrosis, a condition that causes him to sweat in such excessive amounts that he is forced to wear diapers underneath his armpits.
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