10. At least one time per day, I dream about strolling up to the plate at Fenway Park on a brisk September night. Bases loaded, 2 outs, and Phil Collins' "I Can Feel It Comin' In the Air Tonight" belting out from the speakers.
9. If it wouldn't have my man card revoked, I think i'd enjoy going to an Elton John concert. There's just something about "The Circle of Life" that warms my loins.
8. I'd like to meet a guy named Art and take him to a museum, hang him on the wall, and criticize him by showering him with obscenities.
7. Does anyone really know why John Olerud always wore that stupid plastic helmet? I heard his boyfriend won it for him by guessing the speed of his pitch at King's Island.
6. You know that delicious white cheese sauce that every Mexican restaurant serves? Why the hell can't you buy it at the grocery store?
5. Somewhere, deep within my 8th grade, baggy Michigan shorts and Georgetown warm up jersey days, I secretly look forward to seeing "Notorious".
4. Seriously, how cool would it be if farts were colored?
3. Speaking of farts. Is there anything else that could be funny forever? I mean I have been hearing the same damn noise coming from my butt for over 26 years, yet I still giggle every time.
2. http://files.colonies.com/userdata/3288033/comic/693/500x500 _5_0_0.jpg
1. Where have you gone Shaun Alexander? Three years ago, you and I were kings of the playground, getting blowjobs from the hot chicks on the monkey bars at recess.......Now, you're just the weird kid that spends the whole time at recess talking to the Teacher.
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