10. I realized last night I have a trading problem. Out of shear boredom, I called Beck and spent the next hour working out a fantasy basketball deal so I could accquire Russell Westbrook. The scary part is, one of the players I traded was someone I had just traded for the week before and the other player I traded was a player I had traded away the first week of the season, only to trade back for him 3 days ago and then send him packing again. When I get bored, I trade fantasy players. When most guys get bored they masturbate or play X-Box.
9. Am i too old to wear those shoes with the wheels on the bottom? I wonder if they even make sizes big enough for me. Maybe they didn't intend their target audience to be a 26 year old guy looking for an edge at the grocery store.
8. Energy drinks don't work. It is just a placebo effect. However, 5 Hour Energy really does the trick. Too many B Vitamins can't be a bad thing right?.......hmm. now that i think about it, my urine has been especially bright and smelly.
7. I wish they made energy drinks with adderrall. Can you imagine???
.....o.k. nevermind.
6. How many fucking more games can the Pacers lose in the last few seconds. This has to be a god damn joke. It honestly has to be some kind of record, right?
5. Turnovers in fantasy basketball are actually a good thing. In theory, more turnovers generally imply a greater number of minutes played, which leads to an increase of chances to contribute to the other 8 categories. In fact, the top 7 teams in total turnovers in our fantasy basketball league are also the top seven teams in the overall standings.
4. I heard today from a doctor at work that his buddies get together once a month for what they call a "Depends Party". Basically, they gather once a month to play poker, get shitfaced, and not get up to go to the restroom......seriously. I can't tell if I am intrigued or worried.
3. You know what I miss most about second grade? Well, besides school pizza and getting to wear sweatpants to school.....Puppy Chow. Does anybody's mom know how to make that delicious combination of Chex cereal, stuffed with chocolate and peanut butter, then covered in powdered sugar. I'd even turn a trick or two with Carrie Waggerman for a big bowl of puppy chow.
2. Golf was invented in Scotland. It was
entitled Gentlemen Only Ladies Forbidden and that put the word GOLF into the vocabulary. Seriously. If that isn't proof that women need to quit fucking up our sport, then I don't know what is. I would never try to play a game of VAPOO (Vagina and Pussy Owners Only) if it existed.
Yehhhh! Nice shot Nancy. Maybe you can get a nine on this hole you fat old pussy. Now don't forget to keep your left arm completely straight, deccelerate on the downswing, and hold onto your cute hat that matches the fucking queer ass snowman sweater you're wearing, vagina face, and walk the 20 yards to your next shot, which will be followed by 6 straight 3 woods, totaling 125 yards.
1. Pardon the Interruption, But Tony Kornheiser is a tool.
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